Five Stages of Grief
Swiss-born psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (Buy her book on
Death and Dying) has counseled hundreds of patients and their families through her
research into death and dying. She described the classic pattern of the coping strategies
of patients who know their diagnosis is terminal. This may be used at the end of
the relationship, too.
The first stage is denial
Upon hearing the diagnosis, the patient reacts with a shocked, "No, not me."
According to Dr.Kubler-Ross, this is a healthy stage, and permits the patient and the
family to develop other defenses.
Next comes anger or resentment
"Why me?" is the question asked now. "Why my child?" Blame,
directed against the doctor, nurses and God often is a part of this stage. This outcry
should be accepted, unjudged.
The third stage is bargaining
"Yes me, but-" "If you'll just give me five years, God, I'll . . ."
This Dr. Kubler-Ross calls a period of temporary truce.
The fourth stage is depression
Now the person says, "Yes, me," with the courage to admit that it is
happening; this acknowledgment brings depression. (Note: The family often goes through all
the stages, along with the patient.)
Finally comes acceptance
A time of facing death calmly. This is often a difficult time for the family, since the patient tends to withdraw, to be silent.